Fire Eaters, Friends, Ladies of the Camp, VA Flaggers, OCR members, ANVMC members:
It is with a heavy heart, and with sorrow, anguish and despondency that I report to you that a totally outrageous and sneaky action by an anonymous deviant has some how secretly placed a Resolution for Impeachment of the current 1st Lt. Commander on the Agenda for the February 1 meeting of the Camp!!! This can only be the work of some diabolical Yankee sympathizer, who must have slipped this unwarranted and malicious Resolution into the Agenda Package while the Camp Executive Committee (CEC) was tasting their mint juleps provided by the Jefferson Hotel in downtown Richmond, as part of the EC’s regular monthly retreat at their usual table at the Jefferson. Regardless of how this unbelievable Resolution happened, I call upon all of you to attend this meeting to stand up and vote the shameful Resolution down for good. The only Charge in the Resolution is that the 1st Lt.Commander has not done anything since being elected in November. Well, even so, at least I did not screw anything up!!! I should be congratulated, not shamed by this ignominious Resolution. Besides, at some point, some where, some time, eventually I could possibly accomplish something. We need a due process vote to forever put this malicious and defamatory matter to rest. I must not lose the perks of the Office of the 1st Lt. Commander, such as the Fire Eater Harley, which looks so nice in my driveway next to the Fire Eater Red Corvette; as well as free lodging at all 5 star hotels approved by AAA and free meals at all 5 star restaurants approved by the American Restaurant Association. To lose these perks would be an unconscionable tragedy for me. Therefore, I urge, beg, plead, cajole, entreat and supplicate each and every Fire Eater, Friend, Associate, Lady of the Camp, OCR member, VA Flagger, ANVMC member to come to this Fire Eater meeting on February 1, 2017 at 6:00 p.m. for the meal and 7:00 p.m. for the business meeting at Anna’s Italian Restaurant on Mechanicsville Turnpike, to vote down this scurrilous Resolution of Impeachment. Please, please, please attend this meeting. The consequence of your not attending and voting down the Impeachment Resolution would be that:
YOU COULD BE ELECTED 1ST LT. COMMANDER!!! THINK ABOUT THAT!!!!
OK, EVERYONE, ALL SERIOUSNESS ASIDE, HERE ARE THE REAL REASONS YOU SHOULD ATTEND THE UPCOMING MEETING OF THE EDMUND RUFFIN FIRE EATERS CAMP #3000 ON WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2017:
FIRST: You will be able to enjoy socializing with fellow Southerners, catching up with all the recent happenings that impact our Camp and the Southern Cause. You will be able to break bread together with Compatriots, Friends, Associates, OCR members, ANVMC members and Ladies of the Camp, enjoying the good food at Anna’s Italian Restaurant. You will be able to watch, listen to, hear and participate in the fantastic fun provided by the boisterous behavior and continuous loud laughter from that now infamous location in our Camp meeting room (assuming that the Instigator/Raucous Rebel Belle, Cathy Hendricks, is attending)!!! You have to be there to witness this activity. It is all part of the fun of being at a Fire Eater meeting.
Second: You will hear an interesting keynote speaker make a presentation concerning the Southern Cause. This month our guest speaker is our good friend, Bo Traywick, who lives in Richmond, has published at least one book about the South, and is frequently published in the Richmond Times Dispatch. Bo has spoken at our Camp in the past, and will be presenting a new topic entitled “The Virginia Decision–1861”.
Finally: We need everyone to attend the meetings to support our Camp in all of its activities. There are a variety of opportunities to serve the Camp and gain fulfillment from your membership in the Camp. Come to the meeting and see what activity interests you.
I Triple Dog Dare you to not attend this meeting!!!
Humbly, Respectfully and Reverently Submitted,